1. On Sears hairdryer: 'Do not use while sleeping.' (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
2. On a bag of Fritos: 'You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.' (Evidently, the shoplifters special.)
3. On a bar of Dial soap: 'Directions: Use like regular soap.' (And that would be how...?)
4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: 'Serving suggestions: Defrost.' (But it's *just* a suggestion.)
5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): 'Do not turn upside down.' (DOH! too late!)
6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: 'Product will be hot after heating.' (As night follows the day...)
7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: 'Do not iron clothes on body.' (But wouldn't this save even more time?)
8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: 'Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.' (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: 'Warning: May cause drowsiness.' (One would hope.)
10. On most brands of Christmas lights: 'For indoor or outdoor use only.' (As opposed to what?)
11. On a Japanese food processor: 'Not to be used for the other use.' (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: 'Warning: Contains nuts.' (NEWS FLASH--Thank you Captain Obvious!)
13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: 'Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.' (Step 3: Fly Delta.)
14. On a child's Superman costume: 'Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.' (I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one.)
15. On a Swedish chain saw: 'Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.' (Was there a chance of this happening somewhere? Good grief.)
16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid: 'Do not use on food.' (Hey, Mom, we're out of syrup! It's okay honey just grab the Palmolive!)
17. On a tube of Crest Toothpaste: 'If swallowed contact poison control.' (Oh please. Have you ever heard about someone dying from swallowing a little toothpaste?)
18. On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent: 'Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine.' (Hey no more swimming in the washing machine kids.)
